THE HOME BIRTH OF
OUR SUMMER SOLSTICE BABY
So I have been avoiding writing about Malia's birth for some reason, and I wasn't sure quite why. I think before I would be able to write about the day she was born, I had to figure out why I was putting it off. After all, it was a beautiful experience and everything went perfectly - all I could ever hope for in a birth experience. I couldn't have asked for anything better. That's it. That's why. It's as if I feel I could never do that day justice with my own words. In essence - the birth of my daughter, my third child was indescribable.
I am going to share my memories as best as I can. Details and all. Pictures included (but nothing too graphic) It's been 3 weeks and 2 days since she was born as I'm writing this.
Here's the Summary of it:
Malia Gabrielle Rae Stuart
Born Thursday, June 21, 2012 at 7:29pm in the comfort and peace of our own home
38 weeks, 2 days gestation
8lbs 13oz, 22.25 inches long
In attendance:
Jason, my husband
Mif - a midwife for over 30 years
Joella - a chiropractor with healing hands & student of midwifery
Heather - one of my best friends, yoga instructor 2nd year ND student at Bastyr
I think my labor journey started a few days before I went into actual labor. My body was ready. Baby was ready. Her and I had been communicating - the way mothers can with their baby in the belly. I knew she was ready to join us on the outside, and she could sense my growing stress (physically and emotionally) at the end of our pregnancy.
For about 5 days leading up to her birthday, I was having regular contractions about 5-7 minutes apart. They would get into a great rhythm and then die off as I went to bed. On the afternoon of the 19th, I had an appointment with my midwives, Mif and Joella. Week 38 visit. Going in to this "last" appointment - I was feeling tired from lack of quality sleep, My energy was off, I was feeling anxious and I was also feeling huge. Mif & Joella weren't really used to seeing me in that state because overall my pregnancy went wonderfully and I had been healthy & happy the whole way through. When I got there I started the pee in the cup, weight, blood pressure routine. Tested my pee. It was good. Went to step on the scale. Not so good. I had gained 9lbs in 2 weeks which was off base, as I had only gained 25lbs up until then (compared to the 50 & 70lb gains in my other pregnancies). Then Joella checked my blood pressure and it was 160/105 - quite high. I am pretty sure the bp was due to me being upset at the number on the scale - Joella checked me for other pre-eclamptic symptoms, but I seemed ok, so she gave me hugs and a good conversation about how I was feeling. Mif was busy with another mom, so Joella politely interrupted & Mif said she would be over to our house later in the evening. My bp was better upon leaving our appointment.
I went home and took a nap. Jason could tell I was d.o.n.e. and like the great hubby that he is, went and got me a dozen orange roses to wake up to. Then we leashed up the doggies and went for a walk. Mif called when we were out walking and I told her to just come by the next day since I was feeling better and it was also her anniversary - I could wait.
I really didn't sleep well that night, and I gave up around 5am when my contractions were strong enough to get my attention to the point where I couldn't sleep. I got up and made a batch of muffins from scratch, did a load of laundry or 2, and some other random cleaning - all before the kids & hubby woke up for work and school. After everyone left the house, I laid down to see if I could sleep & took a nap for a few hours. My contractions died down. Mif came over late morning to check on me. I told her how I was feeling & she took my bp again. It was still on the high side, so she wanted to check other progress. I was fully effaced and dilated 2.5cm (a slight progression from the week before when I was 1cm). She stripped my membranes and said she'd talk to us the next day.
I called Heather, who was just home for a few days from school, and we went on a walk for about 2 hours. Talked and caught up. It was nice to have friend/girl time and helped free my mind for a bit. It was our plan to have Heather at the birth, so I think I was relieved to know she was nearby and home for a few days so she could be there.
Later that evening contractions got into good rhythm again, I was losing mucous & let's just say my body was "clearing itself" out. So, Jason came home from work at about 10pm and I called Mif. She said she would be over in the morning to make me her "magic milkshake" unless she heard from us sooner. I was glad to have a plan and know that Jason was home for good until baby was born. The few weeks leading up to the birth, Jason and I were both worried he would be on a far away call as an EMT and he wouldn't make it back in time - I kind of think this is one of the reasons my body was waiting to progress - my fear of being without him had to be relieved. And because it was finally settled, Heather was in town, and I knew Malia would be here in the next 24 hours, I was able to get the best sleep I had in months that night.
We woke up excited and got the kids off to school. Then I took a shower, shaved my legs and did my hair, found comfy clothes and prepared the house for the day ahead by getting all the birthing and baby supplies out and organized. Mif came over at about 10:30am with her milkshake. It was chocolate ice cream and also involved Castor oil, protein, and other homeopathics that I didn't specifically ask about. I drank it at about 11:30am. Mif had errands to run, and wanted to let us "have time" so she left about 12:30, instructing to call with any changes. By about 12:35, I was in the bathroom feeling the effect of the milkshake. Also, my contractions were coming steady. Not painful, but strong. I didn't want anyone timing them because it was making me crazy to do that & I was obsessing over progression status.
I had Kaleb being picked up from school by his dad. Lucy, who wanted to be there for the birth, came home from her last day of school on the bus. I think we were all happy that Lucy went to hang out with her bestie a couple houses down and would come home every hour or so to "check on mom."
I killed time (other than running to the potty) by painting my nails and halfway watching Days of Our Lives.
Heather came over around 2pm and Mif was there around 4 to check status. She checked me again and said I was dilated the same, but baby had descended much more and that my cervix was paper thin. She did some sweeping & stretching in there put a small sliver (probably 1/4 of a small pill) of cytotec next to my cervix to see if she could move things along. She left again to run something down the street to her husband who was working on their rental property. Heather left to get food.
Jason and I cuddled on the couch but I wasn't comfortable. I got up and sat on my birth ball. I became restless there too and my contractions were about 1 or 2 minutes apart by about 5pm. The contractions didn't hurt, but I could feel them getting more powerful and longer in length as well as closer together. Jason asked if I wanted him to call Mif. I said, "Wait a few minutes and let me decide." about 10 seconds later, at 6:15pm... POP! As we were standing in the kitchen talking, my water broke. It was a pop I could feel, not really hear, followed by a gush of warm, thick fluid. "On second thought, babe, call her and tell her to come now. Call Heather too."
I went to the bathroom to clean up while Jason made calls. Little did I know, I would not be leaving the bathroom again until after baby was born. I took off my pants and underwear to see what we were dealing with, and saw what my eyes didn't believe were clear fluids. I was worried and sat down on the toilet to pee. No pee. Just PAIN. Then a contraction hit me like a train. It took my breath away. I will admit I slightly panicked. This was the "it's really happening" moment. When the contraction ended, I was at full peace, not an ounce of pain in my body. I thought to myself, 'I can do this,' and told myself to absorb the energy of peace during the rests between. I also took time to remind myself that pain does not have to equal suffering.
I took a cleansing breath and another contraction rolled through my body. I can only describe the sensation as INTENSE. More intensity there than pain. I couldn't be still and moved awkwardly around the bathroom until it passed. I kicked the white rugs out of the way and folded a towel at the side of the tub and kneeled on it. I think my intention was to start a warm bath and get in or clean up, or something. So I kneeled over the tub and turned it on. The cold water struck me as instantly soothing, so I filled the bathtub about 3 inches deep with super cold water and kneeled - my knees, butt, legs outside the tub. My arms, shoulders and head were over the tub and my hands submerged in the cold water. During these overwhelmingly intense contractions that rolled through my body, I focused on the cold sensation of the water and let my voice moan a low pitched om, I tried to focus on the sound of my voice paired with the cold of the water. Jason was preparing the bed with plastic sheets, getting out chux pads and bringing me water and a pillow to kneel on.
Between contractions was peaceful and I was not in pain then, but I started to panic with thought of needing Mif and Heather and Jason and Joella there with me. I yelled, "Jason! How far away is Mif?! Call her and ask! Where's Heather?!"
Mif and Joella were en route, as was Heather. From the time they got there, to the time she was born is a bit of a blur. I don't remember in what order or when everyone arrived, but as soon as everyone I needed was there - I hastily floated off to "Labor Land" - the place you go where nothing else matters, the point of no return, the primal space we instinctively go to where our body takes over our mind. It was a beautiful place to be in that moment. I would not have been able to get through this experience had I not been able to go there.
I could hear the people quietly asking Jason my status. I could hear Mif and Joella setting down their things and as everyone was rushing around. I could also feel someone sitting on the toilet to be next to me - although I'm not sure if it was Jason or Heather. I mostly just kept my head in the tub area and didn't take energy to look behind me and see what was going on. I was focused. The midwives assured me fluid was clear and it was just blood I was noticing. She checked baby's heart and it sounded great. Joella felt my back and gave me some counter pressure on my lower back. (On a side note, baby had been posterior for days, and it was in the moment Joella put pressure in just the right place that Malia turned for me - I also think this is why I instinctively went to hands and knees position - to help her turn)
Mif then came behind me and checked me. It seems that as soon as she put her fingers in there, I had a contraction and said firmly, "Get out, please! Get out!!" She didn't though - she finished her check. She told me I was effaced and thin (I knew that!), but I just needed to dilate more. Then she turned around and whispered something. I didn't hear what she said (or to whom), but I knew that was midwife code for - 'I'm surprised you're not dilated what I thought you would be, because you seem in good active labor'. Apparently I was still only a 3!! Good thing she didn't tell me that because I would have
freaked out. Instead, she told me to envision my cervix opening up during each contraction, and instead of my low moan to make a sound like I was shooshing my child from across the room, letting the sound reflect the intensity I was feeling - "ssshhh, shhHH, ShhHH, SHHHH...." I followed her instruction and literally felt my cervix instantly opening up and baby coming into my pelvis.
At this point I began to panic again because the sensation was beyond intense. I began to feel loss of control, Joella was right behind me and Jason was next to me. I told Joella, "I can't do this."
"You're doing it," she told me.
"I don't know if I can finish."
"You will finish."
"Another contractionnnn... ahhhh... SHHHH. F***. Oh my God. SHHHH"
"Breathe, Brandy... deep breath"
I was feeling pushy but was worried it was too soon to push since I sensed my dilation wasn't ready due to Mif's reaction 10 minutes ago after checking me. I did some panting and some tiny, quick little pushes. Like tapping pushes.....
"SHHHH...."
I now realize that this was transition. It just surpised me at the time since it happened so fast.
Then, and hour and fifteen minutes after my water broke, and 45 minutes after my birth team arrived at the house, and after going from 3cm to 10cm in 25 minutes, I felt it. Her head slipped through my cervix as it opened the last little bit, like a fist going through a tight shirt sleeve. And my body and baby had decided....
"SHE'S COMING NOW!..."
Followed by some deep and primal grunts, her head crowned and was all the way out of my body. I could feel her head, neck and whole body rotate. It kind of burned but it also felt good to have her out. I was not thinking about pain *what-so-ever* now. Without even thinking about it, I gave 2 or 3 more strong, primal pushes joined by this primal grunting noise and felt my back and hips cracking, popping and I had a sensation of throwing down (kind of the opposite sensation of throwing up), I could feel her bones and parts squeeze out of me. When the last parts of her emerged with lots of fluid, I felt an overwhelming sense of RELIEF. Still had no focus on pain in any way. I let out a loud cry/sigh of relief. WE DID IT.
My thoughts then went immediately to baby. Is it really a girl? Is she ok? It is a girl and she's good. Joella handed Malia to me through my legs still attached to her cord, and I kneeled there and looked down at this little baby in my arms. A not so little, messy baby covered in a super thick coating of vernix. A beautiful baby girl. She made little cries to let us know she was breathing, but was overall peaceful and alertly looking right at us through squinting eyes new to her first light. I kissed her. Jason reached his hand out and touched her. He hugged me and gave me a kiss - "I'm so proud of you babe. I love you. You did it. She's beautiful."
The cord stopped pulsing, so the midwives clamped it and Jason cut it. "You're on your own now baby girl." Jason took his shirt off and put her skin to skin and covered her with blankets to keep baby Malia warm against him. It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever witnessed. I was flooded by the most amazing sense of euphoria (thank you oxytocin), and overfilled with an abundance of joy.
Next we went to the bed to deliver the placenta. I didn't have any problems getting to the bed, as my body was feeling good. They checked me for any perennial damage and I held up great (yay)! and we waited about 20 minutes until the placenta was born. I had to give a couple big pushes to get it out and the contractions were somewhat uncomfortable. During this, Jason introduced Malia to Lucy and then sat next to me on the bed with baby. As soon as the placenta was born it checked out fine (making note it was very large with an extra long cord) and preserved to be encapsulated. I put Malia to my breast, and she latched right on. When she was done, I went and got in a quick shower, got dressed and quickly freshened up.
Then the midwives examined Malia and weighed her in a sling with a fish scale. Counted all her fingers and toes and examined all of her other parts. We are blessed to have a beautiful, healthy, perfectly formed baby girl on the first day of summer.
After everything was cleaned up and baby and I were settled in, Mif, Joella and Heather wished us well (to come back in the morning), and went on their way. Kaleb got home soon after to meet his new little baby sister. When he held her in his arms, his eyes welled up with tears of overwhelming emotion and joy. It was truly beautiful and had us all teary eyed to see this precious moment.
My sister, Julie drove over from Poulsbo to meet her as well. I then realized I was starving, as I had no desire to eat all day, and had a big bowl of Pho that Heather brought for me earlier. It seemed like the perfect meal to replenish with.
We settled into our own bed in our own house and had a beautiful first night together as a family.
I can honestly say that deciding to have our baby at home, combined with the birth team we had, and the preparation we did in our Birthing From Within class, along with the research I did, and the conviction I had to birth our baby naturally in our home was THE BEST decision I have ever made in my life. It was a beautiful day in all of our lives, a day I could never forget. All I will have as memories for the day Malia was born are beautiful ones. I am so thankful for the opportunity I had to do this at home with the people that were in attendance giving me support, care, and nurturing the entire process. It gives me a sense of empowerment and accomplishment that I have never experienced before.
Postpartum, I am doing well. My body - back, hips, pelvic floor - were all tired and sore for a few days. I noticed my placenta pills really helped my recovery and gave me immediate relief on days I was feeling over emotional and hormonal. On the plus side, I have already lost 25 of the 33 pounds I gained and my jeans fit (small victory for me), shirts are another story due to my huge ta-tas. There were a few bumps in the road with breastfeeding due to some latching issues and a bad case of mastitis, but all is resolved now and we are doing fantastic.
Family life is also adjusting well. Kaleb and Lucy are both such a good big brother/sister. They have been helpful in a million ways, and love to spend time talking to and holding Malia. If she cries and I'm in another room, chances are Kaleb is already at her side picking her up to make sure she's happy. If I need a shower or free hands to make dinner, Lucy is the first in line to hold the baby.
Malia is now doing great and adjusted to life outside the womb. She has learned to be a good eater and is healthy and putting on weight. She is spirited and vocal and loves to be swaddled. She has strawberry blond hair and beautiful skin (probably because we left all the vernix on her and gave her no bath until she was 9 days old). She lets me sleep at night with only one night time feeding at this point. She has been welcomed and loved by all that have met her.
A special thanks to everyone that has been there for me along this journey to Malia's birthday, especially my husband, Jason. I could write a whole seperate book about what a blessing he is to all of us. He is a wonderful, caring and nurturing husband that has given me exponential support and love along this journey. He is a natural as a dad, and bonded quickly with our baby daughter. My love for him has grown beyond a level I knew possible. Our family is now perfect and complete.
Here are pictures from Malia's Birthday
This is the last pregnant picture I took - about 3 hours before Malia was born
Mif taking good care of me.
Joella there to catch baby as she was crowning
This is right when they first handed her to me
Love at first sight
Baby girl covered in vernix
Getting ready to cut the cord
Snip! You're on your own baby Malia :)
Lucy sees her baby sister for the first time
Jason keeping her warm while we waited for placenta
This is the same receiving hat that they put on Lucy for her birth day 9 years ago
Miffy showing baby to Lulu
nursing baby for the first time
Lucy gets to hold baby while I took a quick shower
new sisters
Heather finally gets to hold Malia
Joella gives baby her first exam
checking all her little parts
baby gets weighed - 8lbs13oz
She cried through her first time getting dressed
Mif with our little bundle
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Kaleb gets to meet his baby sister
Malia meets her Auntie Julie
Daddy and his girl
Our new sweet babe
This is our sweet pea at 2 weeks old
Thanks to all of you that read our amazing and special birth story.
